Pessimism to Optimism: A Sudden Shift

Optimistic Goose

I'm not sure how permanent this is for me, but for the last 10 days, minus one of them, to be exact, I've realized that my thinking has shifted from thinking about how much longer it will be until my depression hits bottom, to instead, how long it will be until my happiness plateaus. Somehow, after being a hardcore pessimist for the last 18 years, I've suddenly realized that I am currently an optimist.

I think what got me here were multiple, ongoing changes in my recent life, big and small, both out of my control and of my own doing, all of which were intended to better my life in my eyes or even a loved one's eyes that I might not even have agreed with at the time of change.

A note to your future self: Handling Newfound Happiness

Finally!

Lessons to learn during your rise from depression #1: PACE YOURSELF

Some may experience this a lot more noticeably than others, depending on how severe your depression, but it seems to be a common occurrence to those who find that they're experiencing more and more days where they are actually getting high on life, instead of fighting the urge to spend the day in bed.


Looking back on a depressive part of one's life varies hugely from one person to the next. Clinical depression, or major depressive disorder, is defined as lasting anywhere from two weeks to as long as the majority of someone's adolescent and adult life. Major depressive disorder can consist of (1) depressed mood, most days and for most of the day, (2) loss of interest or pleasure in most activities and interests, (3) sleeping too much or not sleeping enough, most days, sometimes back and forth between the two, (4) fatigue nearly every day, and (5) feelings of worthlessness and unfounded guilt, among other symptoms. Suddenly finding that, after weeks, months, or even years that these symptoms are occurring less and less each day, or no longer occurring at all, can be an drastic and maybe even overwhelming experience.


So, the lesson to be learned to those finding this happening to them would be to not try and do too much. Suddenly having more than 2 or 3 days a month where you are excited about life and want to do and experience EVERYTHING that is finally exciting about your life again can actually overwhelm you.
Some good advice would be to structure yourself and your days. Living in depression usually has no structure because it is very difficult to set and achieve goals that consist of more than just surviving the day, so structure may be something that we are really not used to. Set your morning alarm, plan your day's meals and when to eat those meals, plan a realistic amount of activities that will actually fit into a 24 hour day, leave plenty of room in those plans for that extra time you find you are using to enjoy these activities, and finally, go to bed at a decent and consistent time each night.


Don't be that crazy last shopper at the grocery store while they're trying to close for the night, like me. Do you know how great grocery shopping is to the newly happy person? :)

Another day, another visit to the doctor. For me, an appointment to see my doctor means a week of dark dismal social anxiety. I tense up and sleep a whole LOT because it's easier to sleep than to feel like crap. After that, the day finally arrives and I am mentally and emotionally destroyed. My day is doomed and I'm in no mood to enjoy any part of it until my appointment is over. My anxiety doesn't come from worrying about rubber gloves or needles or an ugly old nurse with a barely noticeable evil smirk on their face. It comes from having to sit down in front of someone I barely know and discussing ME and my issues. That's what angsts me. It makes me tense, for days on end until every muscle in my body is screaming at me to stop flexing but I can't stop! Sorry muscles, but I'm not in control of you right now. I'll see you when my appointment is over.. and you too, gastrointestinal tract! Good luck with all that nausea and heartburn, but I'm unable to focus on anything but my worries right now. You'll feel better when it's over, I promise.

It's all good though. Things are generally moving in an upward direction which are all working toward me crawling out of my epic rut and becoming a more productive member of my life and my family.. maybe even society! Luckily I have a wonderful doctor who is persistent but not overwhelming. He keeps surprising me with another goal after meeting a goal, instead of just leaving me alone to regression. It's just what I need. I also have a wife who steadily nudges me to get better for my daughter. I can honestly say that if I didn't have my wife and daughter in my life, I would probably just stay in bed.

To start...

Hello and thanks for reading. I'm starting this blog so I can express myself on anything and everything that interests me, and not on any single particular interests like I've done in the past. Hopefully, that way my blog won't become irrelevant to myself and be abandoned.

I'm a guy who is always wondering what the fuck is the matter with myself and why am I never inspired enough to get myself out of bed and start improving myself and things in my immediate vicinity. As far back as I can remember, I have always had wonderful intentions for myself and dreams for my future, but for some reason I've failed at almost everything I try to do or not even try to because I know I don't follow through on anything.

Wow. I wasn't planning on venting all my crap on this blog, but this is me. This is where I am in my 30-year-old life and what is pretty much always in the back of my mind throughout the day. I'm a failure, loser, slob, coward, pervert, fatty, bad husband and bad father. But I know I'm also smart, kind, creative, funny, handsome and a wonderful husband and father. It just depends on my mood usually. My daily routine is a battle against myself to better myself for my wife and daughter who both are my life, which I would readily give for them if it was asked of me.

It is 2:30 AM right now and I do still have some responsibilities in my life so I'd better get to bed. We'll see how this goes, eh?

-Dan