Another day, another visit to the doctor. For me, an appointment to see my doctor means a week of dark dismal social anxiety. I tense up and sleep a whole LOT because it's easier to sleep than to feel like crap. After that, the day finally arrives and I am mentally and emotionally destroyed. My day is doomed and I'm in no mood to enjoy any part of it until my appointment is over. My anxiety doesn't come from worrying about rubber gloves or needles or an ugly old nurse with a barely noticeable evil smirk on their face. It comes from having to sit down in front of someone I barely know and discussing ME and my issues. That's what angsts me. It makes me tense, for days on end until every muscle in my body is screaming at me to stop flexing but I can't stop! Sorry muscles, but I'm not in control of you right now. I'll see you when my appointment is over.. and you too, gastrointestinal tract! Good luck with all that nausea and heartburn, but I'm unable to focus on anything but my worries right now. You'll feel better when it's over, I promise.

It's all good though. Things are generally moving in an upward direction which are all working toward me crawling out of my epic rut and becoming a more productive member of my life and my family.. maybe even society! Luckily I have a wonderful doctor who is persistent but not overwhelming. He keeps surprising me with another goal after meeting a goal, instead of just leaving me alone to regression. It's just what I need. I also have a wife who steadily nudges me to get better for my daughter. I can honestly say that if I didn't have my wife and daughter in my life, I would probably just stay in bed.

To start...

Hello and thanks for reading. I'm starting this blog so I can express myself on anything and everything that interests me, and not on any single particular interests like I've done in the past. Hopefully, that way my blog won't become irrelevant to myself and be abandoned.

I'm a guy who is always wondering what the fuck is the matter with myself and why am I never inspired enough to get myself out of bed and start improving myself and things in my immediate vicinity. As far back as I can remember, I have always had wonderful intentions for myself and dreams for my future, but for some reason I've failed at almost everything I try to do or not even try to because I know I don't follow through on anything.

Wow. I wasn't planning on venting all my crap on this blog, but this is me. This is where I am in my 30-year-old life and what is pretty much always in the back of my mind throughout the day. I'm a failure, loser, slob, coward, pervert, fatty, bad husband and bad father. But I know I'm also smart, kind, creative, funny, handsome and a wonderful husband and father. It just depends on my mood usually. My daily routine is a battle against myself to better myself for my wife and daughter who both are my life, which I would readily give for them if it was asked of me.

It is 2:30 AM right now and I do still have some responsibilities in my life so I'd better get to bed. We'll see how this goes, eh?

-Dan